blurred sight

i step outside to clear my head. to clear my eyes. my heart is heavy and laughter echoes out the door until it closes. i can't remember the color of the morning. everything seems too okay without me.

i walk along the dirt road and soak in the grass until i can't see anything but green. it is quiet out here. my thoughts are more at peace. brown picnic tables blur with the tall pines and ponderosas. the sun doesn't come out until the afternoon usually, so i stick with the cold.

the horses munch on the grass, and i try to empty the thoughts from my head. i am a foolish girl, and i know the way to the top of the mountain, but i am stuck with staring until my eyes turn dull gray and all i am is dust.

a wilted flower sits in my hands and we are one the same. there is much to feel, but there are things you don't say. so we sit.

until dawn turns to dusk and we are crumbled and forgotten.

you didn't come to look for me.

it didn't surprise me after all.  (my heart is more blurred than my sight and i run around in circles, but there are things even the blind can see.)

here i lay to rest.