letters to you

Dear stars,

I am sorry. I get busy. I hope you know that. I hope you do.

Because I remember the nights when I'd stare up at the sky in wonder with letters written, emails replied, homework done. When I got things done on time. We were dear friends, you know. Staying up late talking about nothing in particular and sometimes silently listening to the sighs of golden dreams.

I didn't forget you. I hope you know that. Some days you sink softly into my heart and the moon shines silver and I remember peace.

Our Lord has created peace and he has created you. We know the silence and we know love. Learn to live gently and let His light shine.

Dear earth,

you have been broken and scattered. You have been beaten and you have been worn like leather and bore the anger of my unskilled hands. But we are the same, you and I. Creations of Someone Better. He plows and sows and uproots. We have borne sorrow and we have let Him do his work.

I don't hate you. I hope you know that. I get tired and I lose things I wanted to keep.

I am still young and the dirt is fresh. I do dumb things and forget who I am. But through all of that, Grace grows. Love grows. The seeds He has planted are growing into something good. There is hope even when wildfire comes and burns the forest down.

You have taught me so much. I hope you know that. I have seen so many things and heard so many words, but yours were the ones that stayed.

What words but God's last forever? They are planted deep down in the dirt and nothing can take them away. You have taught me. Oh, how you have.

Dear fifteen,

The time has come for us to go our separate ways. You with the old and I with the bursting present. I can't say I will miss you, but I will always remember you.

Together we bore one of the hardest weeks of our life. We sobbed our heart out and bitterness took root and tried to stay. But we learned forgiveness and we learned to let go. Those are hard things to learn, you know. You think you have them until something comes and your ribs break and you're left on the ground, barely able to breathe.

I forgot your name. I hope you didn't know that. What a mess we were, unable to hold solid things in our hands.

You laughed really hard and taught me surrender. Surrender takes time and we have nothing to give and everything to take. Surrender bitterness and let kindness go. I forgot that every day, but there you were, blabbing it out all around. I did get mad at you, but only because Truth hurts. But Truth sets us free and I am afraid of surrendering all I am and being so free.

I am not lost. I hope you know that. I know where I am headed, though I do not know the way. Home.

We seek it.

Dear future,

I am sick of everyone fearing what you hold. I am sick of even myself being afraid. Because you are so big and full of hope! We have no right to only see the darkness. You are stereotyped and graffiti-ed. Held up to standards and sucked dry of all life that you held.

I am sorry. I am sorry. I didn't mean to do the same. I hope you know that.

so dear future, I am letting you go. I am letting my ideas of what you should be go. Because the King over everything holds you and knows all. He knows what to do with you and he knows how to take care of you.

The things He tells me about you blow my mind. I am left gasping for air and laughter-tears streaming down my face. I am left with anticipation and love and trust. Because, darling, you have to be the best thing in store if God has you.

I am excited. I know you know that. We're almost there.

Running races and letting our souls be torn and mended and cleaning out the dirt. Having bad days and getting through them. Learning and crying and giving it up and healing.

Almost there.

to new things. 
just turned sixteen on the second of march. 
xx
♥