8.07.2015

another year, eh?


to Jess, my main ninja. 
 


it's your birthday today.
i'm not there. you're there. i'm here.

i don't know how to feel.

it's different. you're different. i miss you.

a lot has changed in the past year. you've grown up so much more and are moving on ahead. God is good and faithful and he has provided.

i'm angry because i don't have words. i haven't had any words for awhile now. it hurts and it hurts and it hurts because i want to say something good. i want to give you truth and pieces of something great. but i have nothing and nothing and nothing and nothing.

i'm sorry for that. i'm sorry.

lately i've been trying to be enough. but i never will be and that makes me angry. i'm sorry. i don't even need to be enough but i still try. He will always be enough. our God, our Master. but me?
not even c l o s e.

but i try and i fail and it hurts.

i have no words.

it's hard, it's different.
another thing to surrender.

happy birthday, you crazy ninja. let today be good. happy birthday.

yours truly




20 comments:

  1. Cally, you are so sweet! Happy birthday, Jess! WE NEED TO BAKE A CAKE RIGHT AWAY. WHO'S WITH ME?!?!?!?

    xoxo Morning

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'M DYING. Yes, of course! Let's get that cake BAKIN'. Get this partaaayy going. ♥

      Delete
  2. Happy birthday Jess, and Cally, that was beautiful!
    Also, If we're throwing a virtual birthday party for Jess, I'll bring balloons and confetti. And help on the cake.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aw yiss.

      I wouldn't have it any other way. Parties wouldn't be complete without it, man. Let's do it. *grins*

      Delete
  3. Happy birthday Jess! I got the music for the virtual party covered!
    -V

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. WHOOP WHOOP. We gotta get that music playing, gurl. (i'm throwing in a song request. brother by needtobreathe. ;-) thank you)

      Delete
  4. Replies
    1. The only good ninja there ever will be. ;-D

      Delete
  5. this was adorbs. you guys are adorbs. one of the best birthday wishes i've ever seen<3
    (happy happy birthday, jess<3)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. i'm cries. birthday wishes are not my specialty. but yes yes yes. thank you. ♥ happy birthday to jess, mah girl.

      Delete
  6. Replies
    1. screams. thank you, i think. bahahah. ♥ happy birthday to her.

      Delete
  7. wwwwaaaaaaaa

    Gosh. Thank you. I was camping but coming back to this made it even better than it already was. I MISS YOU LOTS.

    I've decided to write a letter instead of an email; expect it in the next few days. :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I ALREADY KNEW THAT BECAUSE I AM SO SKILLED AT... knowing what you're doing with your life. XD

      Awaiting the presence of this glorious letter. eep. I need to write back to Hannah. *totally pretends like it isn't my turn*

      (also, I found it SO FUNNY that everyone was just commenting about a party for you. quite good, these folks are. truly amazing ♥ XD)

      Delete
  8. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

    gaize mah lief hurtz zometimez

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I REMEMBERED YOUR GAIUS LAUGH FOR SOME REASON JUST NOW AND IT IS THE FUNNIEST THING OH MAN

      u cri 4 dayz sho sad

      Delete
  9. Happy birthday to her! This is adorable <3 :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. MY GOODNESS.

      indeed, indeed.

      thank you. :-)

      Delete

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