9.01.2016

this is worth fighting for.

via tumblr because i am a wee baby who didn't go and take pictures


she came like a mighty storm in an envelope. i cried hard when i got it. it was about restoration and hope and good things, but man i cried hard. because you have to let things go.
                                                                                                             (let go, let go
                                                                                                                                 let go.)

but i stood on that shore and the waves receded and then came back and then went and came. cowardly?
that i am.

i ran out into the ocean like it was my name, but even the mighty blue cannot wash away the pain that comes with wounds as deep as mine. and before that, i ran to the mountains. to the deep forest green that wrapped around old memories. but even that precious overwhelming place cannot give you rest.

have you ever ran from the thing you knew you needed?
                                                                 (i'm good at that,
                                                                                 you know.)

you run and you run, but there's this compass in your heart and it screams against you and tells you you're going the wrong way. but in the end, you end up right where you were meant to be anyway.
because there's a Voice that calls your name when you finally run out of places to go. there's a Light that shines on you when the darkness is all around you. there's a Shepherd who searches for the lost sheep until it is found.

there's a Cross where self dies and Glory reigns.

a million words come to mind when i try to tell of that story. the one about pain. about Death. but none of them are good enough or the right ones. but i'll tell you one thing -- three days later, He is risen.

you know.

there is hope.

there is something so precious and so holy that i cannot bear the weight of it in these small words. there is a Restoration so strong it shakes me to my bones and i tremble and laugh until Joy becomes the center of my heart. there is a Death so deep that it cuts the darkness apart and destroys what Evil had taken root.

and then comes the morning.
    then comes the tears of joy and the laughing and the gasping and the River that rushes wildly again. the Father takes you up in his arms and calls you Beloved. and you just start bawling again because there is goodness here and you can finally see. they say grace is like an ocean, but this grace is even bigger than that.

Love.

the word is finally sweet on my lips. i had only borne the weight of the pain of it. i had run from the very thing because Love? it is hurt.
                                                                 (wait.
                                                                            it is Death. of self.
                                                                                    selfless love is the only Love worth having.)

i told myself i wasn't willing to stay. i wasn't willing to bear the Death that came along. but i sat in the garden and talked with Love Himself and he taught me what it meant. and told me...

he told me...

(can you dare to hope?

will you believe it?

i know you've been hurt, but just wait one second --)

that Love was worth fighting for.

he did not only tell me that, but He showed it. his Nail-Pierced hands and the Hole in His Side. He cried. and when a Love like that makes you cry, you don't let it go. you take it in your arms and you hug until nothing is left. you fight and you do not let anything take it away.

this is to the ones who gave up all hope and started to fear and doubt:

Love is worth fighting for.

                                 (..."i will call those who were not my people, 'my people,' and her who was not beloved, 'Beloved.'" hosea 2:23)

not your every-day love. the Love. the selfless love that takes you out of the equation. others above yourself. sacrifice. tears. it's not about who is deserving or not, but it's about raising everyone above yourself and taking the place of a Servant. it's about loving when it hurts and putting Self to death every morning when you wake up.

i ran back to that ocean -- but oh whoa, not as who i was before -- and i stood upon that shore and felt the cold ocean run up to my feet and rush back down. i laughed. because He had been talking to me all along. even the ocean fights for the Land.
                                                   
i hiked those dirt trails in the mountain and i felt the air in my lungs. i came upon the land that had been burned by a forest fire, but i couldn't contain what i felt either, because new saplings were growing. the mountains fought for Life.

there was a little sapling of Love growing wild in my heart like never before. this time, i was willing to fight for it. there's a difference between letting go and letting things die. i know that now.

---

special things if you're willing to take the time:

letters kept to ourselves || tremble || we won't give up  || 7:37 || the chair || fall in love  || love them hard


do not fear.
xx
cally

30 comments:

  1. "there's a difference between letting go and letting things die. i know that now."

    ^^^^ That. Wow. Cally, you have such a way with words, that I'm in awe whenever I read your posts. Never lose that spark of yours, darling.

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    1. GRACE. ANNE. oh my goodness gracious, girl. it's all God. it's all God. he is so so good and I hope we never ever doubt that. let it grow in our hearts. x

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  2. Oh Cally, I love this so much. Like, the way you portray the gospel is wonderful, and gets me excited!

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    Replies
    1. See that? it's my heart. it died of love. God is beyond good and He is the one that guides these small words out of my fingertips. hoo baby.

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  3. Years and years from now, when I am a shriveled up raisin of a person, you will still be my favorite writer of all.

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    1. am i crying. i'm crying. you make me laugh so MUCH JORDSS. owie owie. You are the sweetest peach this side of California (okay so I had to google "where do peaches grow best in the US" to find out where a lot of them were grown and that's apparently in Cali.).

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  4. WOahhhhhh, this is soooooooooooooooooo beeaaaaauutttttttiiiiiiiffffffffuuuuuuulllllll!! Cally, you continuously amaze me.

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    1. ELISSAAAAA. today the sun is shining and i'm working hard and there's a peace deeper than anything. thanks, girl. xx God is good.

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  5. <33333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333

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    1. like its blinding I can barely stand to look. also, I'm reading hosea and wHOA THE LOVE OF OUR SAVIOR >>>

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    2. OLIVA CAN I TAKE TEN MINUTES TO JUST CRY BECAUSE YOU ARE THE SWEETESTA AWHUFAAFA. also i'm dying because God is so good and it runs through the morning like a bright and quiet light that just FILLS UP YOUR SOUL and i can't help but be overwhelmed and suck it all up. he is good, he is good. ouch. x AND HOSEA OH MY GOODNESS. I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW. hoo baby. i know.

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  6. "Love is worth fighting for." Preach, m'dear. PREACH. *triple snap*

    xoxo Morning

    P.S. So I recently ended up collaborating with several bloggers to work on a zine issue and was wondering that if you'd be interested in collaborating with for our next issue? You get to meet a ton of bloggers from all tangents of the community and also, YOU'LL FIGURE OUT WHO ALBION IS (an inside, but incredible, joke). xD

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    Replies
    1. CRY. it's been echoing through these halls like a battle cry and i'm running after it and doubt is being struck down at every turn. x

      p.s. WOO. I'd love to join. How would I? Do I need to email you? lemmie know.

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  7. I love this so much honestly I think I'm in love with this. *sighs*

    ~Noor

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    Replies
    1. sweet, sweet noor. i know, kid. i know. the good things make my heart race. x run to Him.

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  8. this hit me so hard. you are absolutely breathtaking

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    Replies
    1. hey ho, summer. listen to His voice and run to it with all that you have left. you know the sound. x

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  9. WHAT THE EVENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN <333 I cannot even words to tell you how this post feels like nailed inside my heart because that's where it is. omg.

    "you run and you run, but there's this compass in your heart and it screams against you and tells you you're going the wrong way. but in the end, you end up right where you were meant to be anyway." << asfghjklkjhgfdfghjk i can't even smash my keyboard enough to describe how mucH THIS IS ACTUALLY ME.

    LIKE...HOW DO YOU DO THIS I DON'T UNDERSTAND

    I DON'T GET IT
    LOVE YOU <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ABBIEE. AWJAFOIAF.

      hey hey. it's me. i'm crying and dying because God is wayyyy too good to us. oh man. he gives us gentle reminders and He calls our names and He still loves us when there's nothing left to love. who are we but grass that will wither away? he is good, Abbiee girl. more than we will ever know.

      oh boy. i don't get it either. but thank goodness He does.
      love you more than the stars that shine (and that's a lot of love ;) i adore the night sky).
      xx

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  10. YEAH YES YAS YEE

    why do we run from what we know we need.

    w o w.

    Randy Abby

    WAKE ME UP Blog

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    1. RANDY OWIE MY HEART IS ABOUT TO JUST SHATTER INTO GOLDEN DUST. hoo baby. you know. you know. thanks for being here and willing to listen. xx

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  11. You know what this may be 5 days late or not i don't care, I just can't believe it, how in the world could I have forgotten this, Love, oh Love, you're right it's absolutely something worth fighting for and sure maybe it hurts sometimes but look at it, ain't it something marvelous. we went to the ocean in the hurricane and it was overwhelming, tasted something like grace . love you miss you much
    xxxx

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    Replies
    1. i may be months late but i hope you never doubt that i think your words are precious. <333 isn't it marvelous, my girl. that a God would love someone so small. xx

      love you more. miss you more than the moon.

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  12. CALLY! i am so sorry this is such a belated comment. when i first read this there was no way i could form my thoughts into a cohesive response, so here i am coming back to read it again and maybe articulate just how amazing it is. GAAHH this has got to be one of my favorites of yours. oh, the way you talk about Christ and His Love - it is so powerful. so poetic. so inspiring. so much of this touched me in places of my own redemption story and how cool is that to see it in someone else's writing?! ah i just love this piece a lot. and again i'm sorry it took me so long to comment!
    {also that native sibling album -- i've been getting into that kind of music a little more lately and wow that album is lovely! so many songs reminded me of characters in my book, which is like my favorite thing to do with music :3}

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    1. I'M SO LATE AS WELL SO I THINK WE'RE OKAY.
      owwww. thank you. it was important to me and it means more than the world that it meant that to you too. <33
      (amen. thank you to you to me for reminding me of it. hahaha. <3) xx

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  13. i could copy and paste a thousand lines from this, and just type arrows arrows arrows pointing to each line, arrows that carry the weight of how much each word means; the poignancy. because this is a river. this is a river.

    this is a waterfall

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    1. kid.

      i have no words left in these old hands.
      xx

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  14. You are absolutely on point with this! So beautifully written, I just can't. My heart. <3

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    1. *screams* thank you so much, Cindy! <33

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