this is worth fighting for.

via tumblr because i am a wee baby who didn't go and take pictures

she came like a mighty storm in an envelope. i cried hard when i got it. it was about restoration and hope and good things, but man i cried hard. because you have to let things go.
                                                                                                             (let go, let go
                                                                                                                                 let go.)

but i stood on that shore and the waves receded and then came back and then went and came. cowardly?
that i am.

i ran out into the ocean like it was my name, but even the mighty blue cannot wash away the pain that comes with wounds as deep as mine. and before that, i ran to the mountains. to the deep forest green that wrapped around old memories. but even that precious overwhelming place cannot give you rest.

have you ever ran from the thing you knew you needed?
                                                                 (i'm good at that,
                                                                                 you know.)

you run and you run, but there's this compass in your heart and it screams against you and tells you you're going the wrong way. but in the end, you end up right where you were meant to be anyway.
because there's a Voice that calls your name when you finally run out of places to go. there's a Light that shines on you when the darkness is all around you. there's a Shepherd who searches for the lost sheep until it is found.

there's a Cross where self dies and Glory reigns.

a million words come to mind when i try to tell of that story. the one about pain. about Death. but none of them are good enough or the right ones. but i'll tell you one thing -- three days later, He is risen.

you know.

there is hope.

there is something so precious and so holy that i cannot bear the weight of it in these small words. there is a Restoration so strong it shakes me to my bones and i tremble and laugh until Joy becomes the center of my heart. there is a Death so deep that it cuts the darkness apart and destroys what Evil had taken root.

and then comes the morning.
    then comes the tears of joy and the laughing and the gasping and the River that rushes wildly again. the Father takes you up in his arms and calls you Beloved. and you just start bawling again because there is goodness here and you can finally see. they say grace is like an ocean, but this grace is even bigger than that.

Love.

the word is finally sweet on my lips. i had only borne the weight of the pain of it. i had run from the very thing because Love? it is hurt.
                                                                 (wait.
                                                                            it is Death. of self.
                                                                                    selfless love is the only Love worth having.)

i told myself i wasn't willing to stay. i wasn't willing to bear the Death that came along. but i sat in the garden and talked with Love Himself and he taught me what it meant. and told me...

he told me...

(can you dare to hope?

will you believe it?

i know you've been hurt, but just wait one second --)

that Love was worth fighting for.

he did not only tell me that, but He showed it. his Nail-Pierced hands and the Hole in His Side. He cried. and when a Love like that makes you cry, you don't let it go. you take it in your arms and you hug until nothing is left. you fight and you do not let anything take it away.

this is to the ones who gave up all hope and started to fear and doubt:

Love is worth fighting for.

                                 (..."i will call those who were not my people, 'my people,' and her who was not beloved, 'Beloved.'" hosea 2:23)

not your every-day love. the Love. the selfless love that takes you out of the equation. others above yourself. sacrifice. tears. it's not about who is deserving or not, but it's about raising everyone above yourself and taking the place of a Servant. it's about loving when it hurts and putting Self to death every morning when you wake up.

i ran back to that ocean -- but oh whoa, not as who i was before -- and i stood upon that shore and felt the cold ocean run up to my feet and rush back down. i laughed. because He had been talking to me all along. even the ocean fights for the Land.
                                                   
i hiked those dirt trails in the mountain and i felt the air in my lungs. i came upon the land that had been burned by a forest fire, but i couldn't contain what i felt either, because new saplings were growing. the mountains fought for Life.

there was a little sapling of Love growing wild in my heart like never before. this time, i was willing to fight for it. there's a difference between letting go and letting things die. i know that now.

---

special things if you're willing to take the time:

letters kept to ourselves || tremble || we won't give up  || 7:37 || the chair || fall in love  || love them hard


do not fear.
xx
cally