8.11.2015

in the forest.





These days.

The wind blows and the earth just sits there. 

I never quite understood them. I never quite understood the stillness and peace of it all.

I fight between filling my days up with something to do. Just to get by until the next big thing in my life. Something to distract the quietness of all these days. Because I have to. I have to do something and I have to be busy and I have to have something there.

But all I'm receiving is nothingness and I don't understand.

I search for something to grasp onto and I search and I search. Lord, give me something! I cannot bear nothing. 

And still, You give me nothing.

So I sink beneath years and years of dirt. Settled beneath the pine trees and aspens. I grow old with all of it. Filled with the numbness of the peace and the stillness of it all.

I'm so sick of it all. I'm so sick of wasting away. 

Somehow, in the midst of all, I never realized it. Until I talked to a willow tree who had never encountered the feeling. The pain of purposelessness. She trembled beneath all of it. Honest and true and afraid.

I looked to the years of dirt. They held the memories of it all. I was so used to living inside the night.

And she talked about the pain of it all. 

She wrecked me with her words. I listened to the willow talk about it all and I slowly fell into ruins. I've seen wildfire and I've seen hurt. But I've never seen this.

i lost it all in the forest. and that's where i found it all. i lost my belief and my trust underneath all of the dirt and forgot about it.

the nothingness.

the somethingness.

"Trust me. Believe that I will give you something."

I lost a good thing and I was so used to living without it.

Trust.

And the loveliest willow helped me find it.

You'll find me in the forest where the green leaves turn to gold,
you'll find me in the forest, all the green things, they grow old. 

and I grow old too. 

trusting that the Lord will give me something in the nothing.

"I will sacrifice a freewill offering to you; I will praise your name, O Lord, for it is good."
Psalm 54:6



and I can't believe He gave us a song about it all. 

30 comments:

  1. this willow is crying because if she loved you less, she could talk about it. ♥♥♥ the trees are singing here and everything is green, and beneath it all is the rumble that i believe. believe without fear. without doubt. this is the morning. xx

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    Replies
    1. and i am crying because you speak truth.

      i feel the rumbling, my dear. deep in my roots. ♥ this is the morning.

      Delete
  2. Yes.

    Just. Yes.

    I feel like all of my comments say this. But it is always the truth. You are Spirit-led, I know, because you are a tree who bears much fruit.

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    1. TEARS BECAUSE I LOVE MY HANNAH JOY

      say yes all the days yet and i will still love it. ♥ scream. And I know you are Spirit-led because I see God tending to you over yonder. Let us bear fruit for our Gardener.

      Delete
  3. cally cally cally cally your words are beyond measure
    God's words beyond measure

    AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I DONT KNOW WHAT TO SAY

    here take my heart ..... ❤

    ReplyDelete
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    1. honey honey honey
      our Lord's words are beyond anything i've ever had.

      YOU DON'T ALWAYS HAVE TO HAVE WORDS. remember that. ♥

      and have mine, my dear.

      Delete
  4. Oh wow. your writing style is so utterly flawless, Cally <3 this really felt like something i could use today, so thanks. i thank you to the moon and beyond <3

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    1. THIS WAS ALL THE LORD'S WORK, M'DEAR. But I tumble and bleed under your words. Because to have the Lord speak His words through me is quite unbelievable and amazing. I wonder at His glory. ♥ He is good. Remember His promises and words when you need them, Autumn dear. It's too easy to forget the things we just read.

      Delete
  5. THIS IS PERFECT.
    you always leave me speechless <3
    The pictures.
    The words.
    It's just. I can't even put it into words.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I'M SCREAMIng. oh my Lord, do you always give us these words beyond perfect? because i cannot believe it. no matter how much it happens. ♥

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  6. Annnnnnnddddd your writing reminds me of deep, fragrant earth and tree roots.

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    1. squeeb.

      that's all i needed to hear, becca. ♥

      Delete
  7. Whoa... This pretty much sums up my life right now. ❤️❤️❤️

    xoxo Morning

    ReplyDelete
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    1. It's too powerful for my heart, Morning. I can't with it all. ♥

      Delete
  8. i needed this too much today and i didn't even know i needed it. your words cut deep and resonate in my soul and i just...want to live every single word you wrote from the inward fight to the quiet submission and trust and praise to our Almighty, Beautiful God. your writing just blew me away and i had to grab onto my seat from falling off because of sheer power (not literally, but heehee, close enough) *grins*

    bless you, dear cally<3

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    1. I'M DYING. every. single. comment. you leave is...everything. I don't even know how you do it. You just have these words and they make me tumble and fall and then go soaring. Like...how. Oh man. YOU are the best, Lis. Yes yes yes. ♥ ♥ ♥

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  9. Literally I'll never understand how you are just so good with words. Like sometimes I'll read your post and I'll stand up from chair and go "YES!" because I relate so strongly to the words. And this was one of those posts.

    I'm sure you are going to be an amazing world-renown poet by the time you are like twenty-five. You are just so talented.

    O | Life as a Young Lady

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    1. MY GIRL, MY GIRL. I'm at a loss for words. ♥

      (and I seriously doubt that but I'm crying because you are too lovely.)

      Delete
  10. these are words that speak to my heart.

    i never knew anyone else had that feeling of nothingness? its so painful because you feel so /helpless/ in it all. you scramble, you search, but there's nothing.

    but i know that Jesus will provide both of us, all of us, with something. i know, i trust.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. oh yes yes. and it just hurts and sort of makes you numb and just...there's nothing.

      let us trust that the nothing is something. ♥

      Delete
  11. these pictures are so beautiful
    oh my goodness
    lovely post <3

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    Replies
    1. aw thanks. :-) you are too kind, darling. ♥

      Delete
  12. those pictures are stunning
    and my heart is pounding
    from the beautifulness of your writing.


    Lovely post.

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    1. wAIT COME BACK BECAUSE I LOVE YOU.

      your words. i'm...

      thank you. thank you. ♥

      Delete
  13. .... I always seem to be late to the party with commenting, so my comments always read the same as everyone else's. But wow, girlie. You're really awesome.

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    1. Nah, Treskie girl. It's all good. I'll take any words you got. ;-) ♥ Shmank you.

      Delete
  14. these words.
    these words.
    these words.

    they will stick with me till the end of time.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. so let's grab a rocket and fly through space until all the breath in our lungs is gone and we turn into stardust ♥

      Delete

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