10.03.2015

oh no





to tell you the truth, I'm afraid.

i've already taken the leap off that plane,
my parachute is on me, but it isn't time to pull the string.

yet.

the wind is rushing past my face and
my stomach is in my ears
and i can barely breathe
when all i want to do is scream

my eyes are clenched shut tight
and i know i need to open them.
but i can't.

i'm afraid i'm afraid i'm afraid i'm afraid
oh, my Father up above!
help my unbelief. 

i open my eyes and below me is a blur
of browns and blues and greens and yellows.
i take in a deep breath,
and then the time comes to pull the string.

nothing happens.

i yank it harder and desperately.
but nothing happens.
everything in me panics for a moment.

a moment. the world slows and i hear my lungs expanding.
i am going to die. 
the flash of panic fades and i find that i am at peace.
i don't know why.
the world flashes forward again.

my lungs are exploding
and my eyes are shut
but all i feel is my body
shaking
with
laughs.

my parachute shoots out,
the wind catching it and me.

i hit the ground hard,
my legs pounding with pain as i run a little.
but i am exhausted and i fall on the ground.
i can do is gasp for breath
and try to stop laughing.
God always had me.

p.s. scream. i'm a little nervous sharing this. i didn't edit it and i kinda don't like it(i think i might be part perfectionist D:)
but i kind of wanted to share it, though i'll probably regret it. but hey, i do that all the time.

p.p.s. i really love chickens. cRY. would any of you like a post about that? *dies of laughter* because i would definitely enjoy sharing about my chickens. totally unlike my professional poet-status (do i have one of those???) but yeah, i just really love them.

28 comments:

  1. Scream. You should just always share things you aren't sure about.
    And duuuhhhhhhh, we want a chicken post. Duh duh duh. XDD

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. THEN WE'D HAVE AN AVALANCHE OF AWFULNESS AND THAT'D BE...AWFUL. XDD Also, aw yiss. I cannot wait because I LOVE CHICKENS SO MUCH JUST EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

      Delete
  2. oooooohhhhhh man. oh man. oh man.
    um, YES, i want a post about your chickens. <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. same. except to your face. ♥♥ burrrrrn.

      SCREAM. weeee. i am beyond excited for it.

      Delete
  3. ah no words <3 And yes for chickens, I adore them.

    ~Noor

    ReplyDelete
  4. um??? when has anything you've written been not good??? or at least anything you've ever shared on your blog??? because everything you've shared is perfection so I guess you must be a perfectionist??? okay actually that makes no sense and makes me sound like I don't know what a perfectionist is (which I do because I am one a little bit) so never mind???

    (using three question marks after every sentence is my way of lightly scolding people I don't really know :P)

    beautiful words, beautiful imagery; the way you write makes the picture in my mind turn sharply every time you add more words. beautiful, and I totally know that feeling.

    (P.S. yes to chickens. always yes to chickens.)

    O | Life as a Young Lady

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'M DYING OF LAUGHTER. O MAN. (see that punn???? see it???? so good. *high fives self*) You are seriously one of the sweetest people EVER. ♥♥ and hilarious. eeeg.

      (aw yiss. i totally do that do.)

      goodness. thank you. I always wonder about more words because...I always want less. And to add more just seems to go against the things I've read. Maybe I should just throw that thought away and go my own way? Mm, something to think about.

      (p.s. ALWAYS YES. i totally agree with you ♥♥ *dies of laughter*)

      Delete
  5. dude, this is so perfect. trust me, as a fellow perfectionist, i'm telling you, this is perfect. blissfully perfect <3
    YES TO CHICKENS. That's so awesome that you have chickens. When I was little we had like a whole flock of them and they were the bomb. so yes, definitely yes.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. brb dying bc u r 2 nice *floats in a river of love* ♥♥♥♥

      oh my gosh yes. i ADORE chickens. i'm so glad you'll be looking forward to that post (because I definitely am. muhahah).

      Delete
  6. This is absolutely beautiful. Great work - thank you for sharing!
    And fantastic pictures, by the way. ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. *grins* Of course. ♥
      Muahah, thank you. Hannah Joy took the last one of me and Adelaide Thompson (downbythewillows.blogspot.com).

      Delete
  7. YES TO CHICKENS.

    YES TO THIS POEM. YES YES. I REALLY like it because it just feels very... you. Like, it's like having a conversation with you. SO I REALLY LIKE IT.

    And yes to the new blog design. *eyebrow wiggle*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. YES TO YOUR FACE.

      eeeekakkegjkam. YAY. I'm glad glad glad. *dances around*

      Aw yiss. A little more changes and then BAM. All good. *eyebrow wiggle back at'cha*

      Delete
  8. CHICKENS

    CHICKENS

    CHICKENS

    WE WANT CHICKENS

    just thinking about chickens makes me miss mine even though I'm not gone yet XD

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. barfs of laughter because seriously

      CHICKENSSSSS. ♥♥♥♥

      So true. XDDDD I feel that way a lot. XD

      Delete
  9. This is so beautiful, Cally! I love it so much!!! <3
    You definitely have my vote for a chicken post. :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. AWWWW. ♥ thank you.
      I am so glad YESSS. It's like a dream come true. *dies laughing*

      Delete
  10. THIS IS BEAUTIFUL AND REAL AND IT JUST ENCOURAGED ME SO MUCH AND GAH YOUR WRITING
    THANKS CALLY <3
    oh my word. we used to have chickens.
    pls do a chicken post. that would make me so happy xD

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. SCREAMS FOREVER BECAUSE HOORAY ♥♥♥

      ohmygosh yes it'd make me happy too. i'm gonna do it, man. gonna do it.

      Delete
  11. OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW MY HAAARRRTTT. i love you bro. <3 and you know how i feel about chickens. #i'mkindascaredofthembutuluvdemsoyeah

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. HAHAAAAAAAAAAA yeah, broham. i love you too. ♥ #youonlyloveminebecausetheyarethebombdiggity

      Delete
  12. Umm, please post about chickens. Do it! And thank you for sharing this. Because I have had anxiety and screaming moments before, and God has really shown me peace in the past year. It's a process, for sure. Also, your blog design is on point sister! #radical

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. dies. YOU GUYS ARE THE FUNNIEST. Oh man.

      Oh gosh. I totally get that. God is the only one who can bring us peace. Sing it, gurl. And aww, thanks! ♥♥

      Delete
  13. "God always had me."
    omg. this. ♥ aaaaaaaaaaaaaaghhhh. I'm so glad you shared it, girl. So glad.

    AND YES TO CHICKENS.
    :D

    love,
    abbiee

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ♥♥♥ THANK YOU.

      always, abs. always.

      Delete
  14. UM EXCUSE ME, if you have any more gems like this sitting in your draft because you're nervous about sharing it or whatever, bRING THEM OUT GIRL. this is raw, real, beautiful and it makes me smile <3<3<3

    i've been so gone lately, and i missed reading posts like this.

    (p.s.: YES CHICKENS PLEASE. i have a feeling it'll be a post i never knew i needed hehe xxx)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. AHAHAH oh man. DON'T MAKE ME CRY. eeek. ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ thank you. *screams*

      i know i know i know. same.

      (p.s. BEYOND YES. ♥)

      Delete

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