oh no

to tell you the truth, I'm afraid.

i've already taken the leap off that plane,
my parachute is on me, but it isn't time to pull the string.

yet.

the wind is rushing past my face and
my stomach is in my ears
and i can barely breathe
when all i want to do is scream

my eyes are clenched shut tight
and i know i need to open them.
but i can't.

i'm afraid i'm afraid i'm afraid i'm afraid
oh, my Father up above!
help my unbelief. 

i open my eyes and below me is a blur
of browns and blues and greens and yellows.
i take in a deep breath,
and then the time comes to pull the string.

nothing happens.

i yank it harder and desperately.
but nothing happens.
everything in me panics for a moment.

a moment. the world slows and i hear my lungs expanding.
i am going to die. 
the flash of panic fades and i find that i am at peace.
i don't know why.
the world flashes forward again.

my lungs are exploding
and my eyes are shut
but all i feel is my body
shaking
with
laughs.

my parachute shoots out,
the wind catching it and me.

i hit the ground hard,
my legs pounding with pain as i run a little.
but i am exhausted and i fall on the ground.
i can do is gasp for breath
and try to stop laughing.
God always had me.

♥

p.s. scream. i'm a little nervous sharing this. i didn't edit it and i kinda don't like it(i think i might be part perfectionist D:)

but i kind of wanted to share it, though i'll probably regret it. but hey, i do that all the time.

p.p.s. i really love chickens. cRY. would any of you like a post about that? *dies of laughter* because i would definitely enjoy sharing about my chickens. totally unlike my professional poet-status (do i have one of those???) but yeah, i just really love them.